SONGS: My Own Prison-Creed Spill Me-Project 86 Away-Brian Tyler Runaway Train-Oleander Washed Away-The Tender Idols Mourning The Children-Johnny Klimek The Tough Guys-Johnny Klimek Shoveling Sons-Radar Brothers Damaged-Aeon Spoke On A Mission-Sucker Pump Burn-Elemental Angry, Young And Poor-Anti-Flag PLAY: 180 00:19:10,734 --> 00:19:14,204 - Josh, there's no way we're buying you a rifle. - Mom, will you listen to me? 181 00:19:14,374 --> 00:19:19,732 - First you had to have a pc then every video games ever made and a laptop? - For school, dad. 193 00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:31,044 You don't really mean that. 197 00:20:48,534 --> 00:20:50,490 For school, dad. Um... the newest style of nikes every three months. -Bang! 240 00:27:44,294 --> 00:27:47,286 - Love that feeling! - Love it. - Crave it. - Need it. 241 00:27:47,454 --> 00:27:50,332 Got to have a gun grip in your hand. 242 00:27:50,494 --> 00:27:54,043 I always wanted to be an army ranger parachuting behind enemy lines, ever since I could hold a 243 00:27:54,214 --> 00:27:56,648 - Cap gun. - Water gun. - Air gun. 244 00:27:56,814 --> 00:27:58,884 - Pop gun. - B.B. gun. - .12-gauge. 245 00:27:59,054 --> 00:28:01,124 - .38 - .45 246 00:28:06,974 --> 00:28:10,933 - A gun makes you feel alive. - Respect. - Watch out. - Move aside. 252 00:28:30,414 --> 00:28:32,370 - Nobody can touch you - When you have a gun 253 00:28:32,534 --> 00:28:35,924 - Nobody mocks you - when you have a gun - You can take on anybody - anybody 254 00:28:36,094 --> 00:28:38,608 - The champ wrestler - the whole wrestling team 255 00:28:38,774 --> 00:28:41,527 - the bad dudes - the gangbangers 257 00:28:54,454 --> 00:28:59,244 - When you have a gun,people talk nice. - When you have a gun, people look at you like a VIP. 258 00:29:09,614 --> 00:29:12,845 - You walk different. - when you have a gun. - You talk different 259 00:29:13,014 --> 00:29:16,484 - when you have a gun - You think different - when you have a gun - It's so cool 260 00:29:22,974 --> 00:29:24,930 It's an A Slam dunk 261 00:29:25,094 --> 00:29:27,688 - Touchdown - Put-down - All-in-one 262 00:29:27,854 --> 00:29:30,926 - Love that military stance - You ain't got a chance. 263 00:29:36,574 --> 00:29:38,212 Respect. 265 00:30:02,534 --> 00:30:04,331 - Watch out! - Move aside. 266 00:30:04,494 --> 00:30:09,648 - You can be anything you want to be. - Because a gun in your hand is a Ph.D. 356 00:44:18,734 --> 00:44:22,932 Stupid, stupid, stupid,stupid, stupid! I wish someone would take me out of my misery. 357 00:44:23,094 --> 00:44:25,244 -Boom! - Who's there? - Boom! - No more pain. 358 00:44:25,414 --> 00:44:29,293 - Who said that? - You. - Your life is over, Josh. -Over. -Over. -Over. 359 00:44:29,454 --> 00:44:32,173 Do it in the living room for you parents to see. 360 00:44:32,334 --> 00:44:36,566 - What do you mean? - Leave your brains all over the wall. - Make them feel bad. - The shotgun's locked in the closet. 361 00:44:36,734 --> 00:44:39,089 Break the lock. 362 00:44:40,374 --> 00:44:43,013 -Boom. - No more pain. - That's dumb. 363 00:44:43,174 --> 00:44:46,484 - Only you can make them stop, Josh. - How? 364 00:44:46,654 --> 00:44:49,726 - You know. - What do you mean? - Boom! - Woah! 365 00:44:49,894 --> 00:44:53,682 - One bullet would quiet them forever. - You'd end your pain stop the voices in your head. 366 00:44:53,854 --> 00:44:57,847 - I don't want to be thinking this. - Show them who you are. - The whole school will stand in awe of you. 367 00:44:58,014 --> 00:45:03,088 - You'll be a legend for years to come. - Kill the voices, Josh. 368 00:45:03,254 --> 00:45:06,052 - Uh... does it hurt? - Bullet in the head?Never feel a thing. 369 00:45:06,214 --> 00:45:08,170 I'm scared. 370 00:45:09,174 --> 00:45:12,689 - How do I do this? - Make your face a mask. - A mask that hides your face. 371 00:45:12,854 --> 00:45:16,847 - A face that hides the pain. - A pain that eats your heart. - A heart nobody knows. 372 00:45:17,054 --> 00:45:20,888 - Here goes.But suppose I butch it? - You'll be a joke: 373 00:45:21,054 --> 00:45:25,889 "Hey, hear about Josh?He tried to off himself but he blew it." 374 00:45:26,054 --> 00:45:28,329 Now he's a pathetic wanna-be forever. 657 01:16:45,494 --> 01:16:47,325 Who's there? 658 01:16:49,374 --> 01:16:53,208 Why me? Why'd you kill me? 659 01:16:53,374 --> 01:16:56,207 Well, it was more fun than dropping dudes in a video game. 660 01:16:56,374 --> 01:17:02,165 - Why me, Josh? - Why not? World's overpopulated. I wanted to do my part. 661 01:17:02,334 --> 01:17:05,326 - But you liked me. - Once upon a time. 662 01:17:05,494 --> 01:17:09,373 - Why'd you kill me? - I felt like it, okay? 663 01:17:09,534 --> 01:17:13,163 - Why me? I don't even know you. - Wrong place, wrong time. 664 01:17:13,334 --> 01:17:15,723 Why me? Everybody's got to die sometime, right? 665 01:17:15,894 --> 01:17:21,526 Why me? I hope I didn't disappoint you in the cafeteria this morning, Josh. 666 01:17:21,694 --> 01:17:25,607 I hope I died just right for you. 667 01:17:25,774 --> 01:17:31,053 Some lawyer's going to get me off. By the time I'm 18, this whole thing is going to be off my record. 668 01:17:31,214 --> 01:17:36,334 - You're all just a bad dream. - Sometimes bad dreams come true. 669 01:17:53,574 --> 01:17:57,408 - What do you want from me?! - We really need some answers, Josh. 670 01:17:57,574 --> 01:18:02,489 - Katie, we could go out this coming weekend. - I don't think we should see each other anymore. 671 01:18:02,654 --> 01:18:05,930 - Would you give me a second chance? - I like somebody else now. 672 01:18:06,094 --> 01:18:09,450 Sorry I'm late. Oh. Hey, Josh. 673 01:18:10,894 --> 01:18:15,684 Him? It's him? I thought we were friends. 674 01:18:15,854 --> 01:18:17,890 Can't we just go? 675 01:18:33,134 --> 01:18:35,694 Every... body... 676 01:18:37,454 --> 01:18:41,049 in... this...class... 677 01:18:41,214 --> 01:18:44,286 is... dead... 678 01:18:47,854 --> 01:18:50,004 meat. 679 01:18:56,134 --> 01:19:01,367 We compared the writing on the blackboard to your last essay in english class. It was a perfect match. 680 01:19:01,534 --> 01:19:05,607 Our zero tolerance policy gives me no choice but to expel you for the rest of the year. 681 01:19:05,774 --> 01:19:10,973 So because of some stupid words written on the blackboard, I have to repeat the grade? 682 01:19:11,134 --> 01:19:14,649 -Not if you go to summer school. -I won't go.I won't go! 684 01:19:20,574 --> 01:19:22,007 You will go. 685 01:19:22,174 --> 01:19:25,962 Sit in a hot class while other kids get to do what they like? Study on summer nights? 686 01:19:26,134 --> 01:19:30,286 - You should have thought about that before you wrote on the blackboard. - I'd rather be dead. - You don't really mean that. 687 01:19:30,454 --> 01:19:35,050 - You'll see.I'm pushed to my limits. - I think you should calm down. 688 01:19:35,214 --> 01:19:39,651 You know what? I hate you both. And I wish you'd both die so I wouldn't have to look at you anymore. 689 01:19:39,814 --> 01:19:44,330 We tried to give you a good life, Josh, but all we did was feed your appetites! 690 01:19:44,494 --> 01:19:47,850 -And starting tomorrow, you have an appointment with a psychotherapist! -Bang! -Bang! 691 01:19:57,894 --> 01:20:03,491 Mom,Dad,You made me kill you. 692 01:20:05,054 --> 01:20:08,330 I wanted to kill you, but I didn't want you dead. 693 01:20:08,494 --> 01:20:15,013 I mean, how else can I tell you what's on my mind without you interrupting all the time? 694 01:20:15,174 --> 01:20:19,804 I mean, you don't know how hard it is to be no one. 695 01:20:19,974 --> 01:20:22,363 Where do I fit in? 696 01:20:22,534 --> 01:20:27,403 Mom, where do I fit in? Where can I go where nobody's on my back? 697 01:20:27,574 --> 01:20:32,125 I go to school and the teachers give me this test and that paper,and "do this" and "don't do that" 698 01:20:32,294 --> 01:20:37,732 and then I come home,and there's always something I didn't do. And I'm never good enough. 699 01:20:37,894 --> 01:20:43,332 I'm guess I'm just sick of you being disappointed all the time. 700 01:20:45,614 --> 01:20:51,564 Dad, do you remember when you bought me the outfielder's glove and I caught that high fly in the little league championships 701 01:20:51,734 --> 01:20:54,487 and you carried me off on your shoulders? 702 01:20:56,254 --> 01:20:58,848 Why can't it be more like that? 703 01:20:59,014 --> 01:21:01,767 Why is it so easy to talk to you now? 704 01:21:20,734 --> 01:21:24,727 - Why'd you shoot me through the heart? - Where do you think you shot me? 705 01:21:24,894 --> 01:21:28,933 I hate it when you pretend that I'm not there. 706 01:21:29,094 --> 01:21:32,245 My parents don't see me. 707 01:21:32,414 --> 01:21:37,568 Kids in school don't see me. It's like I'm invisible. 708 01:21:37,734 --> 01:21:40,771 - Why'd you shoot me through the head? - Well, you should have thought of that when you pushed me. 709 01:21:40,934 --> 01:21:45,849 - Why me in the stomach? - I had my whole life ahead of me. 710 01:21:47,614 --> 01:21:51,493 - So did I. - I've been taught that forgiveness is for the forgiver. 711 01:21:51,654 --> 01:21:55,169 but I can't forgive you until I know what was really in your heart, Josh. 712 01:21:55,334 --> 01:21:58,167 We want to hear you say it to yourself. 713 01:21:59,214 --> 01:22:04,083 Sometimes I hate being alive but I'm too afraid to be dead. 714 01:22:04,254 --> 01:22:07,246 You know what I hate about being dead? You can't call up and order pizza. 715 01:22:07,414 --> 01:22:10,850 I miss lying on my bed in the dark and falling asleep to a new cd. 716 01:22:11,014 --> 01:22:18,364 - Yeah, I miss getting shot down by girls. - I miss when a guy gets that look in his eye and you know he's going to ask you out. 717 01:22:18,534 --> 01:22:21,810 - I miss my mom's rock-hard brownies. - I miss my dog when I come home from school. 718 01:22:21,974 --> 01:22:27,412 - I miss caffeine, you know? - I miss when I take a new pair of jeans into the dressing room and I try them on and they fit perfect. 719 01:22:27,574 --> 01:22:32,489 - I miss when you start school and you open a book and the spine cracks. - I miss laughing so hard that I start to cry. 720 01:22:32,654 --> 01:22:39,127 - I miss screaming at fooball games. - I miss being home alone with a microwave bag of popcorn and the remote control in one hand and channel surfing. 721 01:22:39,294 --> 01:22:43,412 - I miss my bed. - Singing in the shower. - I miss getting into a fight with my brother and then acting like nothing happened 5 minutes later. 722 01:22:43,574 --> 01:22:48,489 - I miss making my mom laugh so hard she can hardly breathe. - I miss watching the sky go from light to dark. 723 01:22:48,654 --> 01:22:50,292 And dark to light. 724 01:22:51,134 --> 01:22:57,812 I never thought I was taking away all of that. In the back of my mind, I thought it was a video game. 725 01:22:57,974 --> 01:23:01,683 - I could just press the re-start button. - What do you know about never? 726 01:23:01,854 --> 01:23:06,052 - I'll never do all that I wanted to do. - I"ll never see all I wanted to see. - I'll never know all I wanted to know. 727 01:23:06,214 --> 01:23:11,527 - I'll never have a chance to star on Broadway. - I'll never make my father proud of me. - I'll never find out if that psychic was right. - I'll never see Paris. 728 01:23:11,694 --> 01:23:16,245 I'll never know what it is to come home from work and have all my kids pull me down with their hugs and kisses. 729 01:23:16,414 --> 01:23:20,771 - I'll never be married. - And give love. - And get love. - And have a rich, full life. 730 01:23:23,534 --> 01:23:28,892 What do you want from me? I can't bring you back to life. It's over. 731 01:23:29,054 --> 01:23:33,684 - Over for us, Josh. - But just the beginning for you. 732 01:23:33,854 --> 01:23:38,450 - For the rest of your life you'll have us in your head until you're dead. - And you'll see us over - And over - Again 733 01:23:38,614 --> 01:23:42,243 As you saw us this afternoon in the school cafeteria. 734 01:23:44,894 --> 01:23:47,647 Dead. 735 01:23:59,814 --> 01:24:02,567 I didn't know it was going to be forever. 736 01:24:05,214 --> 01:24:10,413 I thought it was just Bang, bang, you're dead again. 737 01:24:12,374 --> 01:24:17,402 When I killed you. I killed all my possibilities. 738 01:24:22,094 --> 01:24:26,485 I will never have anything to look forward to. 739 01:24:30,814 --> 01:24:32,566 Never. 740 01:24:41,494 --> 01:24:44,213 Is this the rest of my life? 741 01:24:51,134 --> 01:24:53,090 Oh, God. MONOLOGUE: 477 00:56:05,574 --> 00:56:09,089 When I'm gone you'll all have this to ponder 478 00:56:09,254 --> 00:56:13,805 and maybe realize why I did what I did. 479 00:56:16,214 --> 00:56:19,524 A little push in front of other kids is a very big deal 480 00:56:19,814 --> 00:56:22,567 particularly when you know it's going to happen to you 481 00:56:22,734 --> 00:56:25,532 every single day. Every single day. Every. Single. Day. 482 00:56:25,894 --> 00:56:27,532 You're almost relieved 483 00:56:27,694 --> 00:56:29,889 when it actually happens. 484 00:56:31,894 --> 00:56:36,684 You're always waiting, waiting for the next attack. 487 00:56:57,414 --> 00:57:01,293 They don't just hurt kids. They make you hurt yourself. 488 00:57:07,534 --> 00:57:11,129 I can't take two more years of this. 489 00:57:11,294 --> 00:57:15,651 And the more they call me the "mad bomber" the more they're scaring themselves. 490 00:57:15,814 --> 00:57:19,648 They don't know what I'm capable of. They don't know what I can do. 491 00:57:19,814 --> 00:57:24,330 - And then there's the sanctuary or home sweet home. - "How many times do I have to tell you to cut the grass?!" 492 00:57:24,494 --> 00:57:27,725 - "You say "okay", but you don't do it." - "What's going on in here?" 493 00:57:27,894 --> 00:57:31,011 - "Is it too much to ask for you to spend half an hour cutting the grass?" - "I said okay." 494 00:57:31,174 --> 00:57:35,247 "You say okay, but you're still inside the house. You know how many hours a week I work?" 495 00:57:35,414 --> 00:57:38,929 - "It takes over an hour to cut the grass." - "I don't care if it takes 5 hours to cut the grass." 496 00:57:39,094 --> 00:57:42,291 - "Dad, I said I'd cut the grass!" - "Well, go cut the grass!" 497 00:57:45,094 --> 00:57:47,608 "All right, so, the play.Yes?" 498 00:57:47,774 --> 00:57:53,644 Mr. D,gooder.Why does he even bother? Doesn't he know it's already too late? 499 00:57:55,534 --> 00:58:02,007 Sometimes I see the way things could have been I just wish I could be the person she thinks I am. 500 00:58:03,894 --> 00:58:09,173 Kids can be the most ruthless people in the world. They can just be supernaturally cruel. 503 00:58:39,614 --> 00:58:42,447 Got to be a man. Be a man! Be a man! 504 00:58:42,614 --> 00:58:46,209 Sometimes you just want you just want to cry. 505 00:58:47,774 --> 00:58:50,447 Sometimes hate is the only real thing in the world. 506 00:58:50,614 --> 00:58:54,653 You can stop loving somebody but hate seems to go on forever. 507 00:58:56,334 --> 00:59:01,362 People respect hate. It speaks, it vibrates. 508 00:59:02,574 --> 00:59:04,371 Hey, man, let me help you up. 509 00:59:12,014 --> 00:59:17,691 Some people don't even need a gun to hurt you. They use words or laughter or enjoy watching you bleed to death. 510 00:59:17,854 --> 00:59:19,333 You look like a trash can. 511 00:59:19,494 --> 00:59:26,127 They get off on watching you fighting back the tears getting a lump in your throat, blushing, wanting to cry. 512 00:59:26,294 --> 00:59:30,970 And they give you a name. Trashcan...pizza face... loser...faggot. 513 00:59:31,134 --> 00:59:33,853 Loser... weirdo... spaz... retard... 514 00:59:34,014 --> 00:59:38,087 You know, the name does something to you. It changes who you are. It alters your molecules. 515 00:59:38,414 --> 00:59:41,008 And one day you wake up 516 00:59:41,174 --> 00:59:43,210 and you look in the mirror and you don't reconize you anymore 517 00:59:43,374 --> 00:59:47,811 because... you believe them. 518 00:59:48,014 --> 00:59:50,323 They win, you lose. 519 00:59:50,494 --> 00:59:52,610 You want to cry, please leave me alone but nobody's listening. 520 00:59:52,774 --> 00:59:54,526 Because nobody cares. 521 00:59:54,694 --> 00:59:56,889 Because you don't have a name anymore. Because they took it away. 522 00:59:57,094 --> 00:59:59,483 And then one day, they say that name. 523 00:59:59,654 --> 01:00:01,485 And you hear something go snap. 524 01:00:01,654 --> 01:00:03,406 "Hey, Trashcan." 525 01:00:03,574 --> 01:00:05,451 You realize what you got to do. 526 01:00:05,614 --> 01:00:06,967 You got to take back your name. 527 01:00:07,134 --> 01:00:11,047 And you've got to do it in front of the whole school, because that's where they took your name away from you. 528 01:00:11,254 --> 01:00:14,405 You've got to do it so every kid... 529 01:00:14,574 --> 01:00:16,963 will remember.This is about justice 530 01:00:17,134 --> 01:00:18,852 And after a while, you can only think of one way 531 01:00:19,854 --> 01:00:21,287 Jonesboro...Springfield... 532 01:00:21,494 --> 01:00:23,803 Paducah...Columbine... 533 01:00:27,054 --> 01:00:29,010 A gun, a bomb 534 01:00:29,174 --> 01:00:32,211 Instant justice. Ba-bang. 535 01:00:32,374 --> 01:00:38,290 But what rush when they roll out that yellow tape Miles and miles of yellow tape 536 01:00:38,454 --> 01:00:41,810 They won't have enough when I'm finished. 537 01:00:41,974 --> 01:00:46,286 So when these hallways are flooded with rivers of blood 538 01:00:46,454 --> 01:00:50,970 when these hallways are choked with their corpses and body bags... 539 01:00:51,134 --> 01:00:55,207 You will all say: "Oh, what a tragedy." 540 01:00:55,374 --> 01:01:00,164 But possibly after viewing my tapes, You won't be so quick to judge. 541 01:01:00,334 --> 01:01:04,805 Maybe that's why I was put on this earth. So consider this my last will and testament.