dave chappelle 2017年底這兩場special，我更喜歡 the bird revelation，這場special是于感恩節前的那個周末在洛城的the comedy store錄的。其實一直期待有comedian能把好萊塢整風運動說一說，chappelle接了這個燙手山芋，而且完成得很好笑。今晚做札記又看一遍，改成了五星。首先啊，黑人的俚語太好玩，nigger、bitch、word活用起來簡直堪比加油劑。ps：中文部分是按照自己的翻譯習慣翻譯的一上場他就態度很明確：“You guys gotta remember, I’m not saying it to be mean. I’m saying it because it’s funny. And everything’s funny until it happens to you.” “你們要記住，我說出來不是為了刻薄，我說出來是因為好笑。任何事情沒發生在自己身上都是好笑的。”下一句就黑了洛城：“Well, here we are in Los Angeles. The world capital of rape and dick breath.” “我們身在洛城，強暴和幾把味的世界之都。”當天cbs名嘴charlie rose被曝性騷擾：“Charlie Rose! Who’s next, Captain Kangaroo? Everybody is raping like hotcakes! I’m starting to get worried. You know I’ve been in show business for 30 years, I had no idea how much danger I was in.” “查理·羅斯！下一個是誰，袋鼠船長（cbs長壽兒童節目經典角色，由鮑勃·基香扮演，他也是節目主創）？每個人都熱衷強奸！我都開始擔心了，入行30年，竟然不知道自己一直有多危險。”損harvey weinstein長相的同時，也點出了丑人的心酸： “I’ve got to tell you, Harvey Weinstein is probably the first person that I’ve ever looked at a photograph of and said, ‘Yeah, he rapes.' I’m not sure this motherfucker has a choice. Not a handsome man. A lot of meat and extra skin on his face. He’s ugly. The sad part is, he’s done so well in life, he probably doesn’t know he’s ugly. When you’re good-looking, everybody will tell you. ... When you’re ugly, you’ve got to figure that shit out for yourself. If it was Brad Pitt doing that shit, you wouldn’t have heard a peep.” “告訴你哈維·韋恩斯坦大概是第一個我看了照片就覺得‘沒錯，他是強奸犯’的人了。這哥們也是迫于無奈，長得不帥，滿臉橫肉一堆褶子，他挺丑的，悲哀的是，他事業有成，大概都不知道自己丑吧。如果一個人長得好看，大家都會告訴你。… 但是如果一個人長得丑，那這事你就得自己去發現了。如果布拉德·皮特干這事，你保證不會聽到一點響兒。”說kevin spacey這段更絕，演員anthony rapp指控其14歲時性騷擾自己，可以說超級政治不正確啦：“I’ve been to a lot of parties in my day. Never been to a good one that had 14-year-old boys in it. … Ironically, kid grew up to be gay anyway, which means Kevin Spacey sniffed that shit out like a truffle pig. And not to victim-blame, but it seems like the kind of situation that a gay 14-year-old kid would get himself into. ” “我年輕時去過很多派對，如果有14歲孩子在的派對，那沒法好玩。諷刺的是，那孩子長大了就是gay，說明凱文·史派西能像松露豬一樣給你嗅出來。我不是要指責受害者，但這事看著像是孩子自找的。”更缺德的在后面：“All joking aside, Kevin Spacey shouldn’t have done that shit to that kid. He was 14 years old and forced to carry a grown man’s secret for 30 years. … The saddest part is, if he had been able to carry that secret for another six months, I would get to know how House of Cards ends.” “不開玩笑，凱文·史派西不該騷擾那孩子，他才14歲，而且被迫帶著這個秘密生活了30年 … 最悲哀的是，如果哥們能再把秘密保守個半年，我就能知道《紙牌屋》結局是啥了。”《紐約時報》踢爆louis ck對著female comedians打飛機的事情，他諷刺了人家的“普利策獎”文風：“Louis C.K.’s semen shot out like a volcano of misogyny, slowly drizzling down like lava, covering his freckled penis as it slowly dripped down to a fiery crown of red hair.” “路易ck的精液像火山一樣噴發出來，飽含著厭女的氣息，巖漿慢慢流淌下來，覆蓋了他那滿是雀斑的陽具，滴到他那火紅的恥毛之上。”一堆人來問他之前是否知道louie的事情：“No, bitch, I did not know. What the fuck do you think we talk about at the comedy club?” “不知道，尼瑪，老子不知道。你以為我們都在喜劇俱樂部里聊什么呢？”然后說louie是這群人里頭唯一讓他笑出聲的，哈哈哈，現場他真沒控制自己笑了好一會：“Shit was intense, but Louis was like the turning point. All these allegations were terrible. I shouldn’t say this, but fuck it, his allegations were the only ones that made me like laugh. When you think about it, he’s jerking off. He’s surprising people. … I picture all the comics in comedy reading it like, ‘Word!’ It’s terrible, I’m sorry ladies, you’re right. At the same time, Jesus Christ, they took everything from Louis. It might be disproportionate, I can’t tell. This is where it’s hard to be a man.” “事情本來很嚴重，但是路易是個轉折點。所有這些指控都很可怕，我可能不該講這話，但是去他媽的，他的新聞是唯一一個讓我笑出聲的。試想一下，他在打飛機，他把人驚著了。… 我想象了一下喜劇同僚們在網上看到都會‘臥槽！’。女士們對不起，你們是對的。不過與此同時，天哪，路易一無所有了。結果可能有點太過分了，我不好說。男人也是不容易當。”然后諷刺了指責louie的行為毀掉自己的comedy dreams的女性：“Well then I dare say, madam, you may have never had a dream. C’mon man, that’s a brittle spirit. 那么我敢說，女士，你可能從來沒有過夢想。得了吧，那夢想也太脆弱了。You think if Louis C.K. jerked off in front of Dr. [Martin Luther] King, he’d be like, ‘I can’t continue this movement? I’m sorry, but the freedom of black people must be stopped. I didn’t know this nigger was going to pull his dick out and jerk off like this. I thought we were going to get a couple of drinks and chill’. 你覺得路易ck如果在馬丁·路德-金面前打飛機，馬丁就會‘黑人運動我是繼續不下去了。對不起，黑人自由這事先放著吧。我不知道這哥們要把幾把掏出來這么搞啊，我以為我們就是一起喝點東西放松一下’。Show business is just harder than that. Them women sounded like, I hate to say it, they sounded weak. I know it sounds fucked up and I’m not supposed to say that, but one of these ladies was like, ‘Louis C.K. was masturbating while I was on the phone with him.’ Bitch, you don’t know how to hang up the phone? How the hell are you going to survive in show business if this is an actual obstacle to your dreams? I know Louis is wrong, I’m just saying, I’m held to a higher standard of accountability than these women are.” 演藝圈難多了，也許我不該這么說，那些女人好像太玻璃心了。我知道這話聽起來很不是玩意兒，我不該說這話。但是其中有個女人說‘路易ck和我通電話的時候在擼管’，娘們兒，你丫不知道怎么掛電話？混演藝圈你都不曉得啥時候掛電話，那闖蕩路上遇到點真正的困難你還不定怎么著呢？我知道路易不對，但是要我說，我心中毀掉夢想的標準要比這些女人認為的高多了。”接下來這句，妙到不行：“Don’t forget who I am. Don’t forget what I am. I am a black dude.” “別忘了我是誰，別忘了我是什么，我，是個黑人。”其實呢，chappelle希望女性能打贏這場仗，但是想對她們說些逆耳忠言：“I don’t think you’re wrong, I just think that you can’t make a lasting peace this way. You got all the bad guys scared. That’s good. But the minute they’re not scared any more, it’ll get worse than it was before. Fear does not make a lasting peace. Ask black people.” “我不認為你們現在做的是錯的，我只是認為這么做不利于長久和平。你們讓那些壞人都怕了，這一點挺好，但是一旦他們不再害怕了，情況會比之前更糟。恐懼無法制造長久和平，不信你問黑人去。”然后也提供了類似的解決方案，但ending落點又妙：“What this city really needs, without irony, I’ll say this: the cure for L.A. is in South Africa. You motherfuckers need truth and reconciliation with one another. The end of apartheid should have been a fucking bloodbath by any metric in human history, and it wasn’t. The only reason it wasn’t is because Desmond Tutu and [Nelson] Mandela and all these guys figured out that if a system is corrupt, then the people who adhere to the system, and are incentivized by that system, are not criminals. They are victims. The system itself must be tried. But because of how the system works, it’s so compartmentalized as far as information, the only way we can figure out what the system is, is if everyone says what they did. Tell them how you participated. 這個城市真正需要的，正兒八經說啊，洛城需要的方子在南非。你們這幫人需要知道真相，需要相互達成和解。種族隔離的結束本該在人類歷史上無論如何都是要經歷一場大屠殺的，實際上并沒有。唯一的原因就是，德斯蒙德·圖圖和曼德拉以及其他人搞清楚了一個事實，那就是如果體制腐敗了，那么受體制影響、擁護體制的子民就不是罪犯了，他們是受害者。體制本身應該被審判。因為體制如何運轉，信息傳遞的遠近也造成群體的不同，我們唯一能做的就是搞清楚體制怎么了，每個人都做了什么，告訴他們你有參與到其中。Because men want to help, they’re just scared. Cuz Ben Affleck tried to help. ‘Hey, what happened to these ladies is disgusting.’ ‘Oh, nigger, you grabbed a titty in ’95.’ ‘All right, fellas, I’m out. Fuck that, I ain’t helping.’ I just want to help. I want to be a good guy.” 因為也有男人想幫忙的，他們真是怕了。本·阿弗萊克想幫忙來著，他們說他‘嗨，你丫95年的時候摸人家胸來著’‘得，大家，我撤了，去他媽的，我不幫忙了’。我只想幫忙，我只想做個好人。”這場整風運動讓他都不敢說#metoo了：“I can’t even say the words ‘me too’ anymore. Nigger the night was like ‘Dave I’m going to the comedy club’. I was like I... am also going to the comedy club.” “我現在都不敢說metoo了，哥們那天說‘我要去喜劇俱樂部’，我說‘我也準備去喜劇俱樂部’。”還讓他成為了一個女權主義者，超賤：“I guess I became a feminist in the last three weeks, cuz can’t watch porn the same. …I can’t click on these motherfucking thumbnails, not with those titles. ‘Guy crams young girl in the ass with hard ride’. I can’t click on that. Come on, give me sth I can click on. ‘Dudes get sucked off by a midget’. Little person, I say to myself. Takes me hours to find one clip. What the hell was this? ‘Marginally groom feminist enjoys consensual sex with vaguely homosexual guy with penis same color as mine. Click!” “在過去三個禮拜里，我變成了一個女權主義者，因為我不能再用以往的眼光去看a片了。… 看那些縮略圖根本點不下去，那些標題不行。‘男子腫脹下體將年輕女孩菊花摧殘殆盡’，這我可點不了，行不行啊，起點我能點的標題。‘侏儒給男子咬’，‘個子小的人’，我在內心糾正道。找了好幾個小時，終于發現一段能看的。啥玩意？‘有點男子氣的女權主義女子享受和有點同性戀傾向的男子征得雙方同意發生性行為’，哥們幾把顏色和我一樣還，點開！”（可以說極其政治正確了，笑瘋啦。）后面半段也很精彩，但是個人特別喜歡前半段跟好萊塢相關的這些，就不寫啦。